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umm e sarmad

Husband And Mother Inlaw

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Aoa. I am married since 2011 june. Since then I m in worries and tension, firstly cz of my husband, he was intersted in someone else us larki ki shadi hoage phr b uska aur meray husband ka contact raha, meray husband nay muj se shadi b apni choice say ki k kahin to shadi krni thi us k bawajood b he contacted that girl even us k lye suicide attepmts b kiye but wahan shadi islye nae hoi k meray husband k parents razi na hoay.

Phr jb muj se shadi hoi to us larki k qissay suna suna k mujhy rulaya, mai puri puri raat roti thi but I didnt tell my parents.. even he beated me but mai nay bardasht kia. In sab mai meray father inlaw aur mother inlaw nay mera sath diya.

Taqreeban shadi k one and half year bad ye masla khtm hoa aur hum dono adjust hoay mera husband b khush tha mai b khush, to ab meri mother inlaw ko muj say prb start hogya k ye ghr k kam theek nae krti aik karti to us mak objection k theek nae dobara se karna parta bht ziada keeray nikalna hr har cheez mai, safae kro to us mai kharabi bartan dho to us mai aitiraz khana pakao to us mai nuktacheeni, meray husband ghr mai nae hotay cz of his job aur hamara room 1st floor pai hai to unki absence mai mujhy room mai sonay ki permission nae hoti aur ground floor pai kbi aik jaga sona parta hai to kbi dusri jaga k ooper walay floor pai aur koi nae sota to akela nae chor saktay.

Ab hamara aik beta hai alhamdolillah but mri mother inlaw bht ziada objections karti hain hr hr cheez pai aur itni sakht aur zehreeli batain krti hain k mera dil andar se jal jata hai but mai khamosh rehti hn. Jb apnay husband say ye bat discus krti hn to kehtay hain tum mai he koi kharabi ya kami hoge jo wo aisa kehti hain ab mai roz roz ki chakh chakh say tang agya hn beviyan mujhy aur b mil jain ge but parents nae agr meri maa ko khush rakh sakti ho to theek warna wapis chali jao. I asked fr separate accomodation as he is in army and have quaters there where all his fellows families used to live but meray husband kehtay hain jb tak parents nae kehtay nae lay k jaon ga.. meri bardasht ki had khtm ho gae hai ab to specially jb meray parents ko bura bhala kaha jata hai aur baqi family members ko.

Kindly give me sincere advice dat what should I do?

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والسلام، میری بہن آپ نے شروع سے صبر و برداشت کا مظاہرہ کیا تو اللہ جلہ جلالہ نے بہتری فرما دی۔ اسی طرح مزید بھی کریں اور اللہ پاک سے دعا کرتی رہیں تو ان شاء اللہ ابھی موجودہ مسئلہ بھی حل ہو جائے گا۔ اپنے گھر کو تباہ ہونے سے بچائیں۔ میری اتنی اوقات نہیں کہ آپ کو  کوئی بہتر مشورہ دے سکوں۔ آپ امیر اہلسنت مدظلہ العالی کا بیان و   مدنی مذاکرہ اگر سن لیں اور کسی طرح اپنی ساس کو بھی سنوا دیں۔ آپ کی بات نہیں چلتی تو اپنے خاوند کو پہلے بتا کر اُن کے ذریعے کچھ طریقہ نکالیں۔ تو امید ہے گھر امن کا گہوارہ بن جائے گا۔ ان شاء اللہ


 


بیان: گھر امن کا گہوارہ کیسے بنے ۔۔ امیر اہلسنت حضرت مولانا الیاس عطار قادری مدظلہ العالی


Download: http://websites.dawateislami.net/download/islam/en/mp4/2013/14706.mp4?t=d


گھریلو ناچاکیاں دور کرنے کا طریقہ۔ مدنی مذاکرہ


Download: http://websites.dawateislami.net/download/madani_muzakra/en/mp4/2014/18003.mp4?t=d


 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VenL_2uegFc


Edited by Kilk-e-Raza

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...

Salam alayqum,

 

Meri behan, halat badaltay aur phirtay rehtay hen. Hamesha kabi kush aur kabi gham be nahin rahay ga. koshish karen kay buzurgoon ki marzi ko saath mila kar kohi decision banahen. Matlab mother in law say pooch leeya, anti meri marzi toh yeh thee pakanay kee aap batahen aap kee marzi kia heh, chalen aaj aap kee marzi kay mutabiq kuch pakatay hen, buzurgoon ko saath laga kar chalen. Un kee baaz bateh na qabil e bardasht hoti hen magar phir thori umar dalnay kay baad banda samajta heh kay buzurg theek farmaya kartay thay. Meh jawani meh, abhi umar 36 saal kee heh, 14-25 saal kee umar taq kohi itni samaj nahin thee buzurgoon kee nahin sunta thah aur socha karta thah yeh logh anparh hen in ko samaj nahin waghera waghera ... magar 27-36 taq yahi realize keeya kay Muhammed Ali tooh intihahi bewaqoof thah aur buzurg darust farmaya kartay thay, teri taleem collegoon wali thee, aur buzurg anparh ho kar be un ka tajarba asal zindgi wala thah, aur woh halat say guzr chukay thay aur mujjay samjaya kartay thay. Meri behan buzurgoon kee batoon ka bura nah manaya karen, aur sabr keeya karen. Buzurg bahay say rehmat hen jab aap kay walden aur family kay buzurg dunya say rukhsat ho gahay toh phir aap ko pachtawa hoga kay kash ham mil beth-tay un say baten kartay. Aap mother in law kay saath betha karen aur un kee zindgi kay waqiat poocha karen, aqsar buzurgoon ko side par kar deeya jata heh ya woh markaz tawajoh nah honay kee waja say chir chira jatay hen. Meray khandan kay buzurg baray sakht thay, meri grand father, kissi kee majal nahin thee kay kohi hil kar be dekhay, itni sakht tabiyat thay, magar meri adat thee, kay meh shaam ko un kay saath beth jata, aur bateh karta, baba jee jawan kee bateh batahen, aap kia kheltay thay, kon say dost tay, jis ilaqay meh ham rehtay hen in meh kia kia thah joh abh nahin heh aur kia kia heh joh tab nahin thah, khandan kee rishtay dariyoon kay kissay, waghera waghera ... nateeja kia nikla mujjay gar walay joh sab say nakkama aur bewaqoof aur lalloo samajtay thay, woh baba jee ke nazr meh sab say ziyada samajdar aqalman aur pasandeeda ho gaya, gar kay baray joh kehtay Baba jee nah mantay, magar meh kehta Baba jee mera irada yeh heh, toh Baba jee kehtay Ali wali bat mujjay pasand heh. Meri behan mera maqsad kahani biyan karna nahin thah sirf ek example deeya kay baroon ko company chahyeh, un kay haath pahoon daba denay say, woh kush ho jatay hen, yeh choti choti batenh baroon ka dil jeet-ti hen. Meri behan woh mother in law joh us gar kee queen thee aap kay janay kay baad gar meh woh abh sirf buri aurat ban kay reh gaee, aap nay gar bar sab kuch sambal leeya, aur woh side par ho gaheen, sirf zaban chalati hoon gi gar bar nahin. Insaan kee fitrat yeh heh kay jab woh apnay haath say control jata dekhay toh kuch na kuch rad e amal karta heh, bas aap kee mother in law insecure hen, aap nay un ko secure karna heh, yehni un ka dil jeeten taqay un ko masoos ho kay aap un kay gar meh bahasiyat e beti rehti hen malkan nahin. Deen ka ilm hasal karen, aur ibadat aur buzurgoon kee khidmat karen, un kee sakhtiyoon ko piyar samjen, meh 36 ka ho kar abh beth kar sochta hoon kay kash meh kabi apni grandmother kay saath betha karta aur un say bee baten karta, woh akelay meh bethi huwa karti theen, jab aap ke umar thor ziyada huwi aur aap ka shahoor jaga toh phir aap yeh feel keren gee. Apas meh piyar aur muhabbat say rahen dunya meh sirf chand din kay mehman hen ya aap chali jahen gee ya woh, aur joh peechay bachay ga aur zinda dil insaan heh toh zeroor pachtaway ga kay kash meh yeh nah kehti aur ignore karti ... Meh nay apni umar meh realize keeya kay meri zindgi bot kam heh kay meh kissi say naraz hoon, meh koshish karta hoon kay kohi muj say naraz nah ho aur joh ho meh ussay raazi kar loon, meh nahin chahta kay kohi naraz ho aur dunya say rukhsat ho jahay issee narazgi meh, keun kay yeh narazgi phir qayamat kay bad bee qaim rahay gee, nah woh mujjay millen nay meh miloon,  thora sa waqt heh achi tara guzar lenh. Meh sirf naraz us say hoon joh meray deen ka dushman, meray rab ka gustakh, meray nabi ka gustakh, aur joh in kay gustakhoon aur gustakhiyon ka difa karay, aap bee essoon say naraz hoon, aur joh aap kay apnay aur sahih ul aqeedah sunni hen un say raazi hoon, momineen kay nishani yahi heh kay woh apas meh ek dosray say achay rehtay hen aur munaifqoon aur kafiroon say sakht hen, Joh sunni heh, kohi be ho, mother in law, father in law, sab say piyar aur narmi karen, aur joh bad mazhab heh sakhti aur nafrat karen chahay baap ho aur esoon ka dil jalahen Allah kee raza kay wastay, apni batoon aur harkaat kay saath. Meri behan apnay piyar, narmi nafrat aur sakhti, raazi aur narazgi ko Sunni aur ghair-sunnioon kay wastay rakhen, joh bad mazhab heh us say naraz, nafrat, sakhti, keren, aur joh Sunni heh kitna be aap ka dil dukha-hay piyar aur narmi aur un say Allah kee raza kee khatir raazi rahen. meri behan Allah ta'ala ham ko aap ko aur sab sunniyoon ko ittifaq, piyar, muhabbat, say rehnay kee tofeeq deh, ameen.

Edited by MuhammedAli
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Salam alayqum,

Meri behan, joh Kilk e Raza nay links deeyeh hen zeroor dekhyeh ga.

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Thanks for your replies and your time.

Mai ye kahon ge k bhai mai nay jo itnay sacrifices dye in k lye apnay parents k samnay apnay husband ka image acha rakha hr wqt tareef he ki all those are gone to trash?

Aur phr kbi mur k apni mother in law ko jawab nae diya badtameezi nae ki jo jo kamyan batati hain puri koshish krti hn k wo na hon, aur ye b apko bata dun k before marriage I lived in hostel aur mujhy kaam waam nae atay thay aur yahan sab ko ye bat pata thi, phr b mai nay khud ko itna change kia aur improve kia ye sab b daikhna chaheay na inhain?

This time my husband came for 4 days after 4 months aur us mai meri mother inlaw nay meri shikaytain ki to in 4 days mai say 2 days were completely spoiled.. her maa chahti hai k uska beta khush rahay to kia wo apnay betay k sukoon ka b nae chahtin?

Kia ye mera haq nae hai k mai apnay husband k sath rahun? Bayshak un k parents b hon us ghr mai.. what does islam says regarding this thing?

Unki ammi ko nae pata k hum dono nay bht mushkil say adjust kia hai aur fasad na ho ab to acha hoga..

My husband gave me another option dat I should go back with my son. He will have no issues regarding his son k wo meray pas b reh sakta hai aur un k pas b..ab is relation mai reh kia gya hai?

I m in great tension. Plzz advise me..

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aap ko behtar advice wo day ga jis ka aap say khoonee rishta hay. apnay parents say baat karain.  aap nay jo kuch kaha theek kaha magar this is one sided.  ya muaamlaat domestic hain aur domestic tour par he hal hoon gay.  sab say behtar parents.  Aallah say dua karain wo behtar surat nikaalay.

 

husband kay gunah is tarah  aashkaar karna  theek naheen hota. aap nay nay to 

poori video chala dee apnay husband aur doosri girl kay relations ke.

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Thanks for your replies and your time.

Mai ye kahon ge k bhai mai nay jo itnay sacrifices dye in k lye apnay parents k samnay apnay husband ka image acha rakha hr wqt tareef he ki all those are gone to trash?

Aur phr kbi mur k apni mother in law ko jawab nae diya badtameezi nae ki jo jo kamyan batati hain puri koshish krti hn k wo na hon, aur ye b apko bata dun k before marriage I lived in hostel aur mujhy kaam waam nae atay thay aur yahan sab ko ye bat pata thi, phr b mai nay khud ko itna change kia aur improve kia ye sab b daikhna chaheay na inhain?

This time my husband came for 4 days after 4 months aur us mai meri mother inlaw nay meri shikaytain ki to in 4 days mai say 2 days were completely spoiled.. her maa chahti hai k uska beta khush rahay to kia wo apnay betay k sukoon ka b nae chahtin?

Kia ye mera haq nae hai k mai apnay husband k sath rahun? Bayshak un k parents b hon us ghr mai.. what does islam says regarding this thing?

Unki ammi ko nae pata k hum dono nay bht mushkil say adjust kia hai aur fasad na ho ab to acha hoga..

My husband gave me another option dat I should go back with my son. He will have no issues regarding his son k wo meray pas b reh sakta hai aur un k pas b..ab is relation mai reh kia gya hai?

I m in great tension. Plzz advise me..

 

اگر آپ کو ریلیشن میں کچھ نظر  ہی نہیں آرہا تو پھر تو کسی بھی نصیحت کا کوئی فائدہ نہ ہوگا۔ نصیحت کا فائدہ تب ہوگا جب آپ کچھ تگ و دو کریں گی۔ حالات آپ کے گھر کے پہلے ہی ناساز ہیں۔ مزید ٹینشن لینے سے فائدہ نہ ہوگا۔ اپنے والدین سے بھی سلیقے سے مشورہ کریں اور جن باتوں کا اوپر ذکر ہوا ہے۔ اُن پر عمل کرنے کی کوشش کریں۔ پنجگانہ نماز پڑھ کر اللہ پاک سے دعا کریں۔ اُس کے انبیاء و اولیاء کے وسیلے سے۔  ایک سو گیارہ روپے کی حضور غوث پاک کی نیاز کر لیں۔ نماز غوثیہ جس کا ثواب حضور غوث پاک  رضی اللہ عنہ کو پہنچاناہوتا ہے۔ دو رکعت نفل ادا کرکے گیارہ قدم بغداد شریف کی طرف چلیں اور پھر اُن کے وسیلے سے دعا کریں۔ ان شاء اللہ یہ وہ مجرب نسخے ہیں جن کو علمائے اہلسنت نے صدیوں سے اپنی کتابوں میں تحریر کئے ہیں اور آج تک نقل ہوتے چلے آرہے ہیں۔ دعا مومن کا ہتھیار ہے۔ اس کو نہ چھوڑیں۔ اگر آپ کسی با شرع پیر صاحب سے مرید ہیں تو اُن کے دیے ہوئے وظا ئف کو پڑھیں۔ مرید نہیں ہیں تو کسی باشرع پیر  صاحب سے بیعت کر لیں اور شجرہ شریف سے وظائف کو پڑھیں۔ اللہ کے نیک بندوں سے سلسلہ جوڑنے کی بڑی برکتیں ہیں۔ ہمارے اعمال بہت برے ہیں اور دعاءوں میں وہ اثر نہیں۔ نیک بندوں کی دعاءو ں اور وسیلوں سے کام بن جاتا ہے۔

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walaikumus salam wr wb 

 

sis, jab shuru ka aisa period aap ne guzaar liya jab shoher se nhi banti thi ... almost 4 years hogai to ab agay b guzaarain ...ab aapki or shoher ki banti hai... saso ko yehi prb hti hai i guess k mian bivi sath hans kyun rahey hein sath khush kyun hain etc etc ...... apni saas ki waja se shoher se mat jhagrain .....balkay shoher k sath zada  hansi mazzak karein ... unko hansayin ...bacho wali herkatein kerein ... ta k unko b acha lagay maza aai... or aap na ho jb to aapko yaad karein ...

 

i understand bht diff hai itna sab sunna ... mgr agr aap k gher mein aap usi waqt kaam na akrein aisa kuch hai to ... kaam kum karein thora ta k batein sun sakein ... jab hum apna 100% deytey hein to us k bad sunnay ki sikat nhi hoti ..... or jb saas bolna shuru karein to aap dil mein sochein k farishtey hein jo jwb de rahey hein or aapko ajer mil raha hai . or ager ho sakay to un k sunanay k waqt aap namaz perh lay .....ager aap k yahan aisa chalta hoto dil relax hojaiga ...

 

or salato hajjat k nafil bandh lain or 3 surah baqra perh lain in shaAllah aap k husband aapko apney sath lay jaeingey .

 

aap merey liye dua karein mein aap k liye dua kerti hoon.

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sub say behtar aap ko aap kay parents he guide kar saktay hain.  un say baat karain aur difficulties bata ain.  un k saamnay do no rukh hoon . aap ka salook bhee husband aur susral k saath and susraal ka salook aap kay saath. wo sahee hal nika lain gay. apnay bhaee say baat karain. hamain app kay gharailu haalaat aur tamam in laws kay aap say rishtoon ka kia patta.  so, please apnay parents say baat karain.

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